There are some cultural aspects to this as well. I'm British, my wife is American. After talking to other Brits, including various members of my family, it became clear that we're "helpers": culturally, Brits don't generally ask for help unless they really need it -- so if someone asks a Brit for help, they tend to get it. Americans are askers -- culturally, "it never hurts to ask" informs a lot of American behavior. Put a Brit and an American together and you'll have a workload that is pretty one-sided -- until the Brit learns that pushing back and saying "no" is culturally acceptable to the American (whereas it wouldn't be so culturally acceptable to the British).
It's why the Brits generally find Americans to be so "demanding" -- because they are generally askers while we British are helpers.
Interesting to see this dynamic highlighted on a less macro scale and see that it's all relative.
Great post Eric! Happy to hear the episode resonated with you.
WRT the helper/asker dynamic you might enjoy reading what Adam Grant has written on Givers and Takers. He points out that agreeable givers are represented among both the highest and lowest impact performers. The trap for agreeable givers (helpers) is that they spend their time reactively rather than doing what is high impact.
Completely agree with you on making the conversations win-win. Collaboration isn’t a win-lose negotiation.
There are some cultural aspects to this as well. I'm British, my wife is American. After talking to other Brits, including various members of my family, it became clear that we're "helpers": culturally, Brits don't generally ask for help unless they really need it -- so if someone asks a Brit for help, they tend to get it. Americans are askers -- culturally, "it never hurts to ask" informs a lot of American behavior. Put a Brit and an American together and you'll have a workload that is pretty one-sided -- until the Brit learns that pushing back and saying "no" is culturally acceptable to the American (whereas it wouldn't be so culturally acceptable to the British).
It's why the Brits generally find Americans to be so "demanding" -- because they are generally askers while we British are helpers.
Interesting to see this dynamic highlighted on a less macro scale and see that it's all relative.
Great post Eric! Happy to hear the episode resonated with you.
WRT the helper/asker dynamic you might enjoy reading what Adam Grant has written on Givers and Takers. He points out that agreeable givers are represented among both the highest and lowest impact performers. The trap for agreeable givers (helpers) is that they spend their time reactively rather than doing what is high impact.
Completely agree with you on making the conversations win-win. Collaboration isn’t a win-lose negotiation.