Asker/helper dynamics and the iron triangle

How years of being a good boy cheated me out of what I deserve

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At one of my first jobs, I was introduced to this saying:

Fast, cheap, or good. Pick 2.

The idea was that engineers could be flexible, but something has to give—and that the powers-that-be always want all three, fast, cheap, and good. I’ve used this all of my life. For instance, when someone asks for a feature, they need it fast, and they don’t have any extra money, I assume they don’t mind if it’s done poorly.

So I was a bit surprised when I listened to this episode from the Troubleshooting Agile podcast. When they mentioned “the iron triangle”, I thought it was what I was familiar with, fast, cheap, or good. But it wasn’t.

Instead, they were referring to a well-known project management idea.

The idea states that there are three constraints in any project, time, scope, and cost. You can trade off between those constraints so that you can maintain quality. The surprising bit is that quality should not be traded off! In this framework, used since at least the 1950s, it is important to maintain quality while negotiating the three constraints.

This surprising jab was then followed up by a solid gut punch:

Product [says] something like, “You're so smart and good looking. Is there any way we can get the platinum package in two weeks instead of six months?”

A surprising number of developers fall for this last one. That had me laughing […] the idea that the developers have in mind how long something will take, but then with the least amount of pressure, or persuasion, or flattery, and they're like, well, I guess we'll try. I've seen that happen so many times. […] People end up making that ridiculous deadline by trading off quality.

Now, the thing that's so striking to me is very often I am told by developers, “Yes, we are doing this and we're trading off quality because that's what the business wants.” And most of the time, the business never had a say in trading off quality. It was never explicitly discussed. They just asked, “Could we make it by this deadline?” The developers in their minds thought, “Well, sure we can do a crappy job.” But it was not a discussion that the business was making an informed choice in.

That was me. I do that all the time. When someones asks for something fast and they don’t offer more money, I assume they want it crappy and that they’ll deal with the consequences later. So I cave and cut corners. After the dust settles, I’m surprised when they don’t reciprocate when I say we need time to clean up. We only need that time to clean up because they wanted it rushed!

The big, bad assumption wasn’t that they wanted it rushed. No. It was that they were thinking about the consequences at all. I’ll psychoanalyze myself just a tiny bit. As a kid, I was rewarded for being “independent.” That usually meant not asking my parents for things like candy or attention. And I was also rewarded for being a “good helper.” Over time, I learned not to ask for things and to help others when they ask. But it worked alright, because in my family, we only really asked for stuff that was important. If someone came to you with an ask, they must have thought hard about it, so you did your best to help them. And if you ask and are denied, it was usually for the collective benefit. Let’s call people trained this way the “helpers.”

But many people come from families that are set up differently. You were rewarded for asking. Or, if your parents said no, you learned they would eventually give in if you kept asking. You learned to ask for things quickly, before you thought about them, because maybe you’ll get it. It was up to the other person to protect their own values and integrity by negotiating, as in, “No, I can’t give you this paper because I’m using it for my own project,” or, “Yes, I can give it to you if you give me that.” Let’s call these people the “askers.”

And so when the helpers meet the askers, the helpers might feel like they’re being inundated with demands which they happily fulfill, until they ask for something and are denied. Then they’re not so happy. I’ve felt that so many times, like when I’ve cut corners for months because the boss is asking me to rush, then when I ask for time to clean up the code (after considering the longterm consequences to the business), I am told there’s no time. Or when I answer a call during vacation but I’m not given any slack when I come home.

The thing is, the world is wide. And people who ask more are more likely to move up the ranks. So you will probably encounter the “askers” as your superiors. A lot of the “manage your manager” advice is geared toward this helper-asker relationship. The asker boss assumes “there’s no harm in asking,” while the helper engineer assumes “they wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

</psychoanalysis>

All of this to say that we should never trade off quality. If you manage your iron triangle well, quality is free.

Quality is free

I wonder how many of my fellow engineers are more “helpers” than “askers.” And I wonder how many of them were more familiar with the “fast, cheap, or good; pick two” model than the quality-is-not-negotiable iron triangle model. Whatever the case, we should all remember that we are all on team quality.

And when an asker is pushing for speed, draw an iron triangle on a piece of paper and start negotiating with them. “We all want to maintain quality, right? But you want it faster. So it will either cost more or we can cut scope…” Cutting scope is perhaps the sensible thing to do. Figure out with them what’s essential and what can be left out. Or, get creative: “I can work overtime on this but I want three days off next week.” How about: “I can get this for you if you cancel all of my meetings and find someone to cover my support requests until it’s done.”

I know that as a helper, I don’t even think to ask for things back. I assume they will be reciprocated to me organically. But it’s important to ask when you have some advantage in the situation. Once, I put in overtime for two weeks for a stupid, made-up deadline. At the end, I was rewarded with another feature request. I said I was tired and needed a rest. “You should have asked for that before,” was the response, “You did a good job but the work doesn’t stop.” My boss had gotten what he wanted and I had no leverage. Meanwhile, another engineer on the team had asked for a one-week vacation. And he got it because he negotiated it when the manager really needed him—before the deadline.

Let me land the plane:

1. Quality is not negotiable.

2. Use the iron triangle as a prop for negotiation.

3. Get creative with the tradeoffs.

4. The best time to ask for something is when you are being asked.

That being said, I should clarify that this is not about “asking for more and negotiating down”—or being a tough negotiator. It’s about collaborating to find a solution that works for everyone. But to do that, you have to be strong and solid—to know what you need, to know your values—and to be fresh—to get creative with compromises. As I learn this myself, the more it seems that the people who demand the most appreciate firm stances the most. It’s hard for me as a “helper” to understand. The more I don’t give them what they ask for, the happier they get? But I have come to see it as one of those ironic mysteries of life. Because they’re not asking to get what they want, but instead to engage with you and collaborate with a respected partner.